Then he went to chat up some junkie guy...I'm not real clear on why. Or who this "she" he was referring to trying to find.
(An aside...I just found out that my viewing partner's mother took their house phone to work with her yesterday in her purse. Why? No clue. *blink* And oh yeah, she thought Denver was located in Texas.)
There were some scenes with the baddies...some fallen angels? Or demons? Someone on Team Satan, I guess. But I have no idea what they were talking about because I couldn't get past Rasta Demon's sweet dreads and Hair Band Guy's uncanny resemblance to the guys from LA Guns.
(An aside: I was unaware Ben Stiller had a career as a crap hair metal band member. See far left of above photo.)
Oh, there "she" is! Getting harrassed as she leaves purga-college with her sweet messenger bag and pouty lips. I guess she's needed to save the day. Oh! And the junkie guy was Uriel.
Ewww..I didn't need that shot up the angel's nostril. I've learned something today. Purgatory is inhabited only by guys from Brooklyn, yo. And whores. Except for "She", I assume.
And now he's psychic? Wha? And who the fuck is this crispy guy going after "she"? And someone should have taught her...when you wear deep red lipstick, it brings attention to your mouth. Mostly your teeth. So when yours are bucked so badly that you could eat corn on the cob through a fence, DO NOT WEAR DEEP RED LIPSTICK. At least the crispy guy's teeth problems are simply makeup. I hope.
P.S. Dear Girl in purgatory being harassed by Team Satan, don't scream for help when being held by the throat by said Team Satan harasser. It only gets you bitch slapped. Which you obviously can't handle, cause you are now out like a light and with a lovely bruise on your mouth. Now that you are awake, and wishing to go back to work, you should maybe know that only a very select clientele want to fuck a bruised up skank with what looks like bruise herpes on her mouth. You might want to take a sick day, honey.
Wait...just how do "arc angels" have sex? Cause that looked pretty satisfying for Gabe. Oh..."She" is an angel, too? Well, that explains her being a junkie/whore. Being an angel is haaaaaaaaaard. "Gabriel and Other One, stop talking!"
Why do only the bad girls get the good clothes? Oh. Cause they have to fuck Keith Richards...I mean, demons. And oh, Gabe is a little bit freaky. He likes to watch...oh. Nevermind. He's just watching "She" go mental on the rooftop of Dark Cit--er, Purgatory.
Well, well...Gabe has a Boomstick and he's not afraid to use it. On other "Arcs" apparently. I missed his name, but he has a sweet BeeGees 'do. Oh, this movie is picking up, there might be some hot boy on boy angel action...oh. Nevermind. Pussies.
(I had to step away for a phone call this time. Ahhh...I feel blessed.)
What'd I miss? Basically Gabe healed Raphael and Ralph told him what the what was. Big Bad is able to tap into everyone's power and that's why everyone else is failing. So, Gabe is the man with a plan. Take out the fallen one by one. Obviously, Michael was the "Arc" in line for brains, leaving none for the rest of the guys.
Ah...strobe lighting during the big showdown. Way to save on the special effects costs, guys! Rasta Demon's hair is still mesmerizing. Mostly bald. And blonde. Dreads. Like they made the hairpiece too small for the guy they cast. It's awesome.
"Sacrifice is what victory is measured upon." Wise words, Demon LA Gun (Aka Whitey...on account of his wanna be creepy white eyes. They just look like bad poser contacts to me, but hey, I wouldn't have given "She" red lipstick either. So what do I know?) Red Hot Chili Demon should have just listened to you. Then you wouldn't have had to slam his head down on the table.
Wait. So we missed out on gratuitous sex but we get to watch someone piss on a tire? Gross.
Oh, nice. One of the baddies disguised himself as a Stumbly Joe to get at one of the "Arcs". Good work, Team Satan. That's using your noodle. Even tho you have to eat watery soup and moldy bread where it smells like pee. It's a good plan. Bomb in a bag. It just never gets old, does it?
Apparently, Michael went thru an abrupt altitude change when the rest of the "Arcs" died. Cause instead of flipping out, he just sat there trying to pop his ears. Oh, I get it. Maybe he "fell" further. Heh. Get it?
You know, the deaths would be way better if it wasn't just guns.
Uh oh...Gabe is mad now...and has the red eyes to prove it. Not to mention the Boomstick.
I think Red Hot Chili Demon just hit on Gabe. He responded with a pretty sweet buckshot answer to RHCD's eye. He just wants to skull fuck him, I guess.
Running. Running. Running in a hallway. God's answer to challenging
And wow. Darryl Hannah from Bladerunner cleaned up nice. Into someone else vaguely familiar. But with that weird mouth jowl, puffy, like your pimp beats you for not having his money but it's really just the weird way your muscles get big and strong when you blow a lot of guys. Yeah. That look. I think I know her from a porno.
And here we go with the gratuitous sex scene. Finally! Jeez, I thought I'd completely misjudged this movie. So much for premarital sex being a sin. I guess angels get a pass on that one?
Are we sure this isn't Hell? For Purgatory the music sucks an awful lot.
Oh, here comes the big showdown. I love it when the Bad Guy Monologue gets all muddled and preachy.
And there's the twist! Big Bad is actually a Good! It's Michael, dun dun dah!!! Didn't stop Gabe from offing his turncoat ass, tho. Well, trying to. Til Mikey went all Godfathery on him.
I love it when stalking fights happen and one guy is yelling out the whole time. Isn't that naive? I mean, just because they can't tell what direction noises come from, doesn't mean no one can. And nice job, Mike! Swinging for the fences pays off against Super Arc Gabe...who went down shockingly easily. I'm sure our Rocky moment is coming tho.
Wait. What? The message of this movie is Free Will? Since when do Angels have free will? I would have thought it was Mike's inability to quit Gabe.
And what a fantastic way to ruin a moment in a movie. Big Bad's contacts were crooked. Sigh. Will the shoddiness of failure to pay attention to details in movie making never cease? UGH! There's another one! Dead Michael's PULSE still going strong in his neck. For fuck's sake, special effects guys. Notice these things!!
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